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Home | Return to Division Fixtures
| Nom | Home Player | Nom | Away Player | Result | Games |
| 1-1 | Jamie Matthews | 1-1 | James Norman | 3 | 0 | 11-8, 11-7, 11-1 | | 1-4 | Richard North | 1-2 | Jack Martell | 2 | 3 | 10-12, 11-7, 11-6, 5-11, 9-11 | | 1-5 | Jonathan Camfield | 1-3 | Mark Kubli | 1 | 3 | 9-11, 11-7, 8-11, 9-11 | | 2-1 | Michael Hennings | 1-4 | Adam Donoghue | 3 | 2 | 5-11, 11-8, 11-7, 7-11, 12-10 | | 2-2 | Dan Carpenter | 1-6 | Simon Hughes | 1 | 3 | 3-11, 11-7, 3-11, 11-13 | | | | | | | | | | | Games: | 10 | 11 | |
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| | | Bonus: | 0 | 4 | |
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| | | Result: | 10 | 15 | |
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| Report: | |
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| Author: | M. Hennings |
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| Away Report: | The Unofficial Match Report:
Surbiton 1 v Dorking’s Bulls Away 6th November 2013 Author: Evil Kenevil
Some might say………….It was time for some tales of lambing and punishment beatings against one of the biggies. Surbiton 1 powered into the top Division some years ago and had left Dorking in its wake drooling at the stunning talents of Mark Baker and Dominic Marx. So it was with some trepidation and then relief when it was revealed both Baker/Marx were indisposed.
With the swanky glass backs replaced by a massive gym and young things in leotards, we quickly kept or heads down and made good to see our movember member “Flash” with a beer in his hand. He’s apparently learned this trick off Mr Glassy Eyed Entertain Me Franco Francois!!!!
First on was the show case showdown of the number 1’s. Jamie Mathews has become a physical specimen of brutal strength, height and muscular definition you would expect from a pro. I doubt if anyone these days would be asking him to step……………..ah yes! I remember those Wilmot moments well, as I’ve had a few myself. Stormin Norman started superbly and the match was potent demonstration of supreme power. The ball was so toasty; it nearly bounced off the back wall to the service box line!!!!! Eat your heart out…..older bro. After 7 grueling monster rallies, unforced reckless errors snatched 10pints mentality allowing Mathews to drift to a steady 11-8 1st game lead. Some super squash from our Top Dog. Stormin was playing at a level where errors are milled out, from insane constant pressure and cost you the match. Stormin went down 3-0 (8-11, 7-11, 1-11) “like a Pina colada or whatever you’d rather!” A great effort from James N and worthy, of a drink or two………more on this later!!
Next on, were the 2’s. Our 16 year old teenage sensation Jack Martell was up against Richard North. Both players had super fit slim builds and were hitting the ball rather crisply. Supreme agility and talent from both players saw this tenacious match see saw. I didn’t see much of the meet but………………Unbeaten Jack took this encounter 11-9 in the 5th. A blinkin well done again mate!!!! Flippin beauty. 3-2 (12-10, 7-11, 6-11, 11-5, 11-9).
On at the 3rd tier, I was up against 16 year old Jonny Camfield. Tallish, super slim, talented and fit……….I don’t really do very well against these sorts. So at 7-1 down in the first, adrenaline was drying my oral mucous membranes to a parch!!!! Flippin heck..I was in trouble!! There were no mistakes coming out of this well mannered gentleman other than crackin volley winners. Nerves on a knife edge, I kept the pressure on and whammo, I found a crack. Fragility had sent in some unforced errors and may I say, Moi performed a super drop!!!!! Eat your heart out 8 pint!! Nowhere near the service line. There was very little between us and the match could have decamped either way. Gradually fatigue set into the youngster and with it, his precision back court penetration. All the stooping occurred from the red corner. Not sure Darth was present. Desperation took me over the victory line 3-1 (11-9, 7-11, 11-8, 11-9).
So…….with the match progress 2-1 in dorking’s favour it was crunch time for our Supremo at number 5. Simo, was matched against Dan Carpenter who looked as fit as Fcjk$%£”*&_+=!! Hi Chairman…..I am sorry I missed the lecture on report etiquette…I think that’s the correct spelling!! Captain Marvel had menacing control of the 1st game….almost Simonesk….oh yes it’s the same bloke. Smashed Dan 11-3 in the first. I was bewildered how ordinary the maestro made him look. Ordinary, Dan is not, and quickly Dan returned a 11-7 after Scoop persisted playing an incessant short game. However credit to the tenacity of the Surrey over 45 captain, after control was re-established, a beaming smile appeared when Master sealed Dorking’s victory on the night with a 3-1 Job done!! (11-3, 7-11, 11-3, 13-11) Nail biting stuff….you been watching Rob? Great stuff Captain. Super Duper.
Adam Donohughe was up against Michael Hennings. The Frankster would have been green with envy of Adams yellow “James May” Squash Shirt with matching yellow laces and racquet strings. Michael is a solid unit and had wicked crackling power to match. Both players were going for their shots and it was a close contest with prostration and lethargy pounding their limit points. Another 5 setter ensued, with Adam having two match points. Michael kept just enough pressure to take the last tie 3-2 (5-11, 11-8, 11-7, 7-11, 12-10). Great match to watch. Well played both players.
At the bar, our very kind hosts treated us with freshly squeezed orange juice. 10 pint stated that he avoids the orange juice as he doesn’t get colds! Stormin was impressed with his control on the night only having two pints before the meal. Later, he made up for his light weight hommies by drinking a pint for each of us…..gives a whole new meaning to “team player”….Adam says more like “taking it for the team”!!!!!!!!
The Surbiton guys were fun and a lovely natured bunch and treated us to some Chicken Bhuna with rice. Delicious. Next week sees a very tasty home encounter………St George’s Hill 1. Maintaining our lofty 5th place in the table may take some………..well some doing or even maybe a beating!!!!!! Ex-sultan, what call you yourself now in Brazil?……………………..we need some council……………………Is this what you’ve been waiting for??
Over and out
Kubo Kenevil
Oh…and well done to the Frankster avoiding a 3rd choke!.....and almost donuting his oppo!!!!
The whole team had impeccable manners…..obviously been to the recent Pep meet avoiding the Newbers school of Beehiving! |
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