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| Away Report: | The Unofficial Match Report:
Christophers 1 v Dorking’s Bulls
Away 27th November 2013
Author: Kenevil
Some might say…………. it was time the Dorking posse met the top team and did them some damage. Swashbuckling up steps in the shadows of the dog stadium, Simon smoothed a comment that the damage might not be on the court!!!
Both Norman bros were fully charged………the warm-ups had started at lunch time with Rob having a slender lead begging to get on court first!! Christophers 1 were taking no chances (or bloody prisoners) with a planned execution of the Dorking bulls similar to a fairground tin duck shooting competition. An all-star cast of big guns down to number 4, were hired Hit-men, ready and loaded with talent oozing out of every pore. Without too much ado……….
First on court at tier 2 was Dorking’s mighty Jack Martell up against Robbie Temple…..and what a flippin player and match to watch. The 2012 ranked number 51 in the world, gave a master class demonstration of wicked deception, obscene power, precision nicks that left the worshipping crowd drooling from the balcony……People pay money to watch this!!!!!! Our Jack put up a mighty fight and did himself and dad proud but taking a 0-3 scoreline (8-11, 5-11, 5-11)………..oh and did I mention Robbie’s front court cross drop Nicks that Horsham Pete would goggle at!!!!!!!! Wowzerooney! Jules and stuff it in the nick Rob….time to step aside, there’s a new stuff it in the nick Maestro!!
Playing at 5, Our Supremo was up against it with 2nd round master chef Nick Buckley ready to serve a soup of talent………… cold!!! Like a gazpacho, Buckley absorbed the Super Si’s wicked form of the night with a bit of bread and butter power play, sending our Maestro at times scampering to both back corners…………No one does this to the cunning fox and craftily and with great workmanship Loxy took a 9-8 lead before Buckley, soaked with Simo pressure, delivered a counter punch taking the first game 11-9. In the remainder of the match, Buckley then opened up the front of the court with some v tight worker boasts and Simo-like wall tight drops. Mr Hughes was dispatched a 3-0 defeat, but there was pleasing display of some great touch and form creeping into our captain……the boy is back……….a bit like the Ashes are on their way……..I’d say you boys best book a secure British airways flight for the Urn to Oz…….. probably near Singapore by now!! Ozy Ozy Ozy oi oi oi!!
No Hassle in the castle, my turn at numero 3……..Oh Yeah!! My Opponent Clinton Gallard is a powerfully built unit…….I wasn’t sure if Clinton was doing bench presses in the gym with Rob next door in between games……. disappointed he wasn’t wearing a shirt that showed that he at least got a sweat up…..or perhaps he didn’t!! Mr Gallard is a quality squash player who literally blew me off the court with powerful back court penetration………..Hitman Hutton like, but relentless in all 3 games. Clinton made very few errors and thank our mighty maker it is American scoring…………..as this would definitely gone down as a punishment beating. I lost 3 zippidy 0 (9-3, 9-5, 9-3).
I’m afraid I didn’t get to see much of Rob Norman’s match against Joe Green, but Rob tells me that he produced one backhand volley cross court roller and several that were not. Having recently returned from injury, Rob’s fitness was tested this night. Rob was unable on this occasion to grab uz a point and went down 3-0 (11-7, 11-5, 11-4). Rob then proceeded to do some damage pipping his bro to the final post. Oppo’s 3 & 4 then left quite early!! They didn’t realize it wasn’t chili con carne on the menu for the night!!
Last on was our top gun Stormin against world number 62 Jaymie Haycocks. Such a feast of talent on show and the match was a pleasure to watch……….from the balcony with a beer in hand. The 180cm, 78kg Jaymie glided around the court with effortless ease. James Norman produced a cracking match with some great adrenalin pumping running and superb backhand volley Nicks and drops it showed what a superb talent Stormin is. Stormin is a little bit of a step up from the rest of us and almost nicked a game off a classy world ranked player with game ball at 11-10 in the second. A super effort from James N. Well bloody done mate! Scotty and president Bob……I take it all back……on 3 occasions, Stormin was left stranded by the reverse D grade boast!! Jaymie dispatched a 5th 3-0 defeat of the night taking the match (11-8, 14-12, 11-4). Oh I forgot to mention Jaymie plays for Meersquash…….is this anything to do with you Meercat!! Well is it?? Jaymie is off to the Hong Kong Squash Open. Good Luck. Perhaps you’ll be travelling with the Ashes!!
The match finished at 9:20 pm ……..and we were late!.......a record 2 hours ealier than last time we visited this establishment with comments of “breathing out of his arse” (Darth v SA Bloke Hayden)………………..So some might say a proper beating was dished out, perhaps even a butchering. A pants down 19-0 Jobbie. It’s been awaited somewhat impatiently (Falalala….lah…lah…lah…off!.%$£”!*&^) but with some decent points on the board we are enjoying the squash and afters!! Turning to some more particulars, next week sees us taking on another hired gun outfit at Surrey Sports Park……possibly this time with 5 guns and Neil Brooker at 5………………………………Such Fun!!............Rob’s investigating the “Dirty Pint”……. Kill me…………
Over and out
Kubo Kenevil
P.S : Mr Downman possibly may enjoy the free hair drying facility at Christophers men’s changing rooms…..and there is some free Hair Gel going for our Brazilian Prince’s fringe! Or is it careful comb over season approaching………….Me, I’d rather a free clipper service.
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| Author: | Simon Hughes |
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