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 | Fixture Details | |  | | |
Home | Return to Division Fixtures
| Division: |
Division 3R |
| Home Team: |
Purley 2 |
| Away Team: |
Dorking 1 |
| Date: | 15 Oct 2015 (confirmed) |
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| Time: | 07:15 pm |
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| Verified: | 17 Oct 2015 by Mark Kubli |
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| Away Report: | Please note: Bad language, obscenities and insults included. Proceed at own risk. No responsibility is accepted by kenevil of offence.
The Unofficial Match Report: Purley 2 v Dorking’s Bulls Away 15th October 2015 Author: Kenevil
Some might say……………….moments of satisfaction may be defined by……….3 Pints of the weak stuff in the Stout House at lunch time or a Movember appreciation of a drop of soft Merlot at the end of a banquet. And, I kinda agree that 2 tubs of Hagen-Daz would definitely dispel any hunger pain after a 2 for Tuesday Dominos adventure.
Thursday saw the mighty Bulls take on a solid Purley way outfit. The Bulls encountered a strengthened Purley 2 crew as their top order 1 & 2 are possible transients: the swift pull to the 1st team tie lurks in the shadows.
First on court saw Dorking’s number 3, Robert Norman. Robbull found himself chanced against a talented foe Dave Poulten. 25 years earlier, these two boys were donning their skills against each other…….probably with the 140gm Head graphite jobbies. Poulten looked fit as fujahk……..Rob JS Norman wore a beard and had his rapper outfit on….. getting ready for the winter I guess? What ensued in the first game was a treat for spectators. Robert quietly went about some very tidy and calculated squash (very Simonesk) to push Poulten to all parts of the court. Poulton was and blowin hard. However, this also drained Rob’s limited energy bank and the instrument of fatigue sapped 8 pint Norman’s sustained brilliance and the gravitational effects on the extra mass debilitated Rob’s momentum to a halt. The edge of Rob’s fitness universe had been breached, spiraling The Horsham squash player Royale into a defeat. It’s difficult to comprehend Rob’s awesome deception and power from behind the glass. Glimpsing this magic can occasionally be witnessed from the sidelines as episodic interruption of normal oppositional control followed by desperate scampering from seemingly point of normality. This sort of talent is awesome to watch and frightening to play against. Can you show me how son????? (0-3 6/9, 0/9, 3/9).
On the adjacent court saw our Hotrod 10 pint stormin Norman battle out the top match against Purley's Paul James. I didn't get a chance to see Hotrod (dispenser of evil) take this formidable effective player down, but reports from the Maestro were as follows: Paul demonstrated good orthodox squash but opposed to Norman's relentless intensity, Paul first turned purple then white. Stormin's front court chop cross drops were all coming off and were deadly effective. The 3rd game was crucially won by our second Horsham player Royale and the fourth 9-1. Chopped like a carrot. (3-1 10/8, 5/9, 9/5, 9/1).
This match was followed by another unwitnessed match, Super Si versus and Stuart Parish. Simons only comments to me were that Stuart was too fit and fast for him. Stuart was slightly blunter......commenting that he was disappointed in dropping so many points. (0-3 6/9, 0/9, 3/9).
Positioned at 2 awaited Marc Aldridge. Newly turned 50 and invigorated by the 1/2 century threshold, triggered Aldridge's recent squash consumption in significant quantities. Aldridge was in fine mettle and ready to quash that before him. In the 5th set I found myself 5-0 down and at the end of a monster rally........barely capable of swinging a racquet. Not sure how I won this match, but a cricket boundary 6 celebration was in order and was duly obliged..................what I do remember was Aldridge hollering C yoU NexTuesday. It certainly wasn't meant for the umpire and indelibly the loudest I've received since the Horley blast from Deano!?&£@$€¥%#~^*. This would put our current president's eyebrows in a somewhat upright puzzled position.......although I hear Gauntanamo has closed down now?........His mates state that Marc's best one is you're so.........lucky.If I had a choice, I'd take the second comment although it has considerable less punch!!!!!! (3-2 9/1, 5/9, 9/1, 5/9, 9/7)
That left the deciding finale in the hands of Ben Griffin, a worthy welcomed super sub at 5. Ben’s stouter 43 year old opponent, Stuart Wiley, has a wicked powerful back hand flicky whippy backcourt shot that sent Ben skeddaddling frequently to the back. Ben found himself 2-0 up through patient play and tenacity. The idea transiently simmered in my consciousness that 8 sausage Ben was going to pull off a remarkable victory with cheerleaders streaming onto the courts dazzling him with pom poms……….reality surfaced it’s gnawing face and Ben Ten cooperated with a testing defeat. The nasty ones besides me remarked that Ben's centre court stooping sparked thoughts of 'Pip'….......I say more like the “Tricky Trev”. What ever insults they may lay, a definite change of hue, captain scarlet would be proud of surfaced on Ben cutaneous coverings. A gutsy dam fine performance Ben, against a relentless talented slimed down pie man number 2. Bull name required (2-3 9/7, 9/1, 0/9, 2/9, 5/9).
With our second victory shipwrecked 8-16, movement to the bar brightened our souls with amber nectar and cider. Purley’s kitchen is infamous for its ultimate hangover cure…..but served in the evening makes a delightful change of norm. So.......we have a new dirty Pint Holder.............Rocket Rob. Stormin guzzled and sequestered a Fosters, Estrella and Stella with speed Aldridge can aspire to. Foxy Loxy stated that he didn't have a signal on the vomit comet to deliberate the rugby Ozy match report, whilst Parish contemplated Aldridge's possibility of having some kind of diagnosis of squash Tourette's syndrome.
Next Wednesday sees a home match v Lakeside 3 featuring Deadly at 5, Great to see! What do we need? We need a Porsche driving Ozy, a hair dying Ozy? and of course a Franster with beer in his hand.
Over and out
Kubo Kenevil
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| Author: | Mark Kubli |
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